When your brother has something against you

What does Jesus mean when he says in Matthew 5:23-24, “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift”?

He’s referring to bringing a sacrifice or an offering to the temple to present as a gift to God as an act of worship.

And he says that if while you are doing this you remember that someone has something against you, you must first go and make it right, or God will not find the act of worship acceptable.

Now, I suppose the question largely has to do with what Jesus means when he speaks of someone “having something against you”.

We should be very clear about this. He doesn’t mean that your worship is unacceptable to God just because your neighbor is upset with you, regardless of why he is upset. He means that your neighbor has a legitimate grievance against you because you have sinned against him. You have broken God’s law concerning him. Perhaps you have done this by defrauding him; or you have physically harmed him; or you have slandered him; but in one way or another you have sinned against your neighbor. And if you have not set things right with him and made proper amends by issuing apologies, making restitution, or in whatever way trying to undo the damage you have done to him, then God will not find your worship acceptable.

Now, we must emphasize two things here. First, Jesus has in mind actual sins—violations of God’s law—and not other kinds of offenses. Sometime people feel offended, or they become upset with you and you are not the one at fault. For example, suppose an employer fires an employee because the employee is frequently late to work, doesn’t do the work he’s assigned, and what work he does do isn’t done with the kind of quality that is expected. The employee is fired and he’s offended at his boss. He has no right to be offended. He holds a grudge, but he has no right to hold a grudge because he’s the one in the wrong. The employer is simply acting within his rights and for the good of his business.

Now suppose this employer goes to church and there has it come to mind that this (former) employee is upset with him—angry and offended at him—for firing him. Does this mean that God will not accept his worship until he goes and offers this guy a job? No, because he has not sinned against his employee by firing him for not doing the work he was hired to do.

Or suppose a mother disciplines a child in the car on the way to church and the child is upset with his mother. Will God refuse to accept her worship until the child is no longer angry with her? No, she has not sinned against him for disciplining his misbehavior.

When Jesus speaks of your neighbor having something against you, he means you have sinned against your neighbor.

The second thing that must be emphasized is the fact that once sincere apologies have been issued and proper amends have been made, your duty has been discharged regardless of whether or not your neighbor fully accepts it and is willing to live peaceably with you. Some people are quite uncharitable and unforgiving; and even though you have done everything necessary to make up for the damage done, they will not be pacified. But if you have made a sincere effort and have done everything God requires of you to make things right with your neighbor and it’s not received, you are not bound by their uncharitableness.

Now, I should perhaps add, that for some sins no amends are possible. If you have stolen money, you can restore it. But how can you make amends for murder? You can’t bring a dead person back to life. How can you make amends for adultery? You can’t undo the deed, or the effects of the deed. How careful we should be not to sin against our neighbor in word or deed! And when we do, how quickly and how fully we should seek to make amends!

This is what Jesus means.


Ward said…
That's a good word. I needed that for an issue someone at church has against me.
Brian Lindahl said…
I am going to have to disagree with this. Pride in a man’s heart can leave him believing his is above offending others or his actions have no consequences. I have come to see many evil behaviors done in the name of Christ. Paul says, “if you have the faith to move a mountains but don’t have Love then I am nothing. I feel grievanes against oneself are opportunist to test your own character and heart.

I believe Jesus is pushing his disciples to strongly examine their hearts. As to refer to your example, if an employee is continually late and your job is to let them go, and you do and they become hard hearted, I believe it is of great benefit to pursue the individual and communicate clearly the reasons for the decisions as well as, “listen to the employee.” The employee may be suffering great grievances that you are now able to minister in and teach, aide, and help. These grievances shouldn’t be something to avoid but seen as opportunities to act and minister and demonstrate the Love of Christ.

I would hope, should the storms of life and should my own corrupt heart heart deceive me that it would not keep Godly people from reaching out to me and helping me through the challenges of life.

I appreciate your time and wish you all the best. This is just my opinion and it is definitely up for interpretation and prayer. Thanks for allowing me to share my 2 cents.
Anonymous said…
Thank you for this message.
My brother for years has been addicted to alcohol, drugs. He constantly, when not in jail, calls me at am hours cursing me out because I won't get up and listen to his rants that I can't understand. He says that is just our relationship. I disagree, I love my brother and want him to get sober. I have prayed for him, asked him why he does me that way. I have decided that it is nothing I have done, it is the evil that too much alcohol, drugs alows in when a person isn't sober. When he is sober, he is so fun to be around. But doesn't want to discuss his antics toward me. I have a sister and 2 other brothers that he does not do this to.
I needed this message very much. Again, thank you. Please pray for my brother and me!
Doug Enick said…

You're welcome. I'm glad you found it helpful. It may be of some encouragement to you to know that the scourge of addiction has hit close to home, having two family members who have battled it. By the grace of God--and it truly is a miracle--they are gaining victory through Jesus Christ. May the Lord give you the grace to endure in love and prayer for your brother.

Anonymous said…
If you are in need of healing and remember that you committed adultery 30 years ago when you were separated from your ex husband. Do you have to go to him and ask forgiveness for God to allow you to be healed.
Husband cheated on me years later with no knowledge of this and left me.
I need guidance please.

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